The story of radio’s problematic protégé

Staff Writer

The difficult relationship between an arrogant radio ‘mentor’ and his problematic ‘protégé’ has been skewered in a song by Jack Post.

The song comes after Post interviewed one of his own radio mentors, GOLD 104.3’s Breakfast host, Christian O’Connell, on his Jacky Road Studios podcast.

‘The protégé’ explores a would-be radio student who is more intent on watching The Chase Australia, and becoming the next Andrew O’Keefe instead of listening to Jack Post’s Masterclass.

“No one even listens to radio anymore”, the disruptive student, voiced by Radio Mike, heckles.

The full song, and its lyrics, are below.

Okay, one, two three,
Repeat after me,
I’m going to show you what it’s like
To be Jacky P
I’ll give a backstage pass to this podcast
And how I broadcast
It’s a Jack Post Masterclass
And you’re first, not last
In line to learn the craft
I’m going to teach you everything that I know
Are you ready to go?
‘Arr I guess so?’
Are you ready to go?
‘Arr, yea’
Right, cause, arr mate, you just don’t sound that enthusiastic about being my protégé
‘Arr, I’m sorry, I’ve just, I’ve never been a protégé before’

Well, stop screwing around
And write this down
‘Arr, sir, I didn’t bring a notebook’
Look, that’s okay, write it on the back of this napkin
‘Arr, sir, I didn’t bring a pen’
Oh, for God’s sake
Can you just remember it then?
‘Umm, okay, I’ll see’
‘How long will it be?’
Oh, fuck me!

Okay, stop
Just listen to me
You’re gonna walk like me
You’re gonna talk like me
You gotta learn to be
Just like me
It won’t be easy….

‘Dude, my mum’s here to pick up’
What the fuck man? You just rocked up

Yea, welcome to the Jack Post Mentor School
This is your lucky day
I was always meant to be your mentor
And you, were meant to be
My protégé

Okay, if you’re leaving early today, let’s meet after you finish school tomorrow?
‘Arr, my mum and I like to watch The Chase Australia after school, so I can’t’

Don’t you want to learn what I have to share?
‘Umm, yea, I don’t really care’
‘And what do you even do in radio anyway? Don’t you just talk?’

Oh, you can fuckin’ talk
You little dork
You can take a walk
With that attitude
I don’t need you anyway
I don’t need a Protégé

And you ask me what I do
What the fuck do you do day-to-day?

Yea welcome to the Jack Post Mentor School
This is your lucky day
‘Cause I was always meant to be your mentor
And you, were meant to be
My protégé

‘Arr, I don’t think I really want to learn how to be Jack Post anymore’
Yea, well, you probably weren’t cut out for it anyway
‘I think I might study TV production or something’
TV, huh?
‘So I can be like Andrew O’Keefe on The Chase Australia and like, and ask all the questions and stuff like that’
Well, truly, I just wanted to teach you how to be yourself
‘Nah, you were trying to teach me how to be like you and talk on the radio and stuff.
‘No one even listens to radio anymore’
No one listens to you, you little shit

Yea welcome to the Jack Post Mentor School
‘My mum doesn’t want to drive me in anymore’
This is your lucky day
‘My dad said it’s a waste of time ‘cause you don’t know anything’
I was always meant to be your mentor
And you, were meant to be
My protégé

‘Arr, do you have Andrew O’Keefe’s email address? I might email him’
You’re probably just best off going through Channel 7
‘Yea… do you have Channel 7’s email address?’
Alright, it’s info@seven.com.au
‘Oh, I don’t have a pen, remember from before, in the song’
‘Also, why are we singing? Is this part of the class?’

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